Ever see that Seinfeld episode where no matter what happens to Jerry, it evens out? I think it’s the one where George decides to do everything the opposite of his usual way. My life feels like that episode today. Which is not unusual, I often say when something happens that it was Seinfeldian. And while things are rarely in balance they are scarily so today.
Kris and I wanted to get the house on the market on 3/1 but a few things got in the way. We started to get nervous. I don’t know why, though, because the housing market we’re moving to is not doing us any favors. The photographers were able to get out this past weekend and we thought it would be about a week before we saw the pictures. But they were sent to us last night.
This morning, on a whim, I checked realtor.com and sure enough: there’s my house. On realtor.com. For sale. You would think I would be doing backflips. I kind of was. Except that I’m home sick. And I don’t want to leave the house or have to talk to anyone. Why?
I have a kidney stone. I don’t know how to explain the absolute nightmare of stones but imagine the worst pain you’ve ever had (childbirth, appendicitis) and amplify it. I assume getting shot or stabbed is worse but I haven’t had either of those happen. I also haven’t had a baby. Part of the reason is because the idea of pregnancy and giving birth terrified me. Although I could probably handle it drug free. I’ve been getting stones for the last three or four years and they are horrific. And when I have them I generally sit on the couch in the basement, work via email and phone, scream and swear, and watch too much Law & Order.
Not ten minutes after I called to Kris, “Dude, the house is on the market!” did the phone ring. People want to see it. Today. Wait, today? Here we thought we’d have until the weekend (not that I’m complaining) but nope, they want in today. Before 11:30 a.m. there were SEVEN showings set up. SEVEN. I’m actually writing this from our local brewery because we have been exiled while people try to decide whether or not they can picture themselves in our house. Kidney stone: abysmal. Idea that we might make a deal on our house as soon as tonight: the exact opposite of abysmal.
This is really happening. We are selling our house. In exactly three weeks I will be a writer. We are moving back to Bennington. Let’s do this!